mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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