I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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