So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
