i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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