Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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