Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's blow job season.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
