She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
