It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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