1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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