Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
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She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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