wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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