do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
