Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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