Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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