She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
