Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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