Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
