Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
