He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
