checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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