:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
