Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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