I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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