Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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