dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
