so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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