I just made out with a guy for $7.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
