I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy