Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
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