Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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