i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
