do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
