Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
