jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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