We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize