i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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