Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
