I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
