her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
