I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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