You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
