I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
