We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
