So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
