Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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