i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
