Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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