Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
