how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
