i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
