The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
