When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
