I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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