btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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