guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize