i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
