Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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