I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
either way he was missing a nipple.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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