So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
