oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
