Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
