i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
