Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
