Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
