I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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