If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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