Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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