Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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