So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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