dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
