I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
