First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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