I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sext me about skeletons
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
