Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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