sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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