It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
