I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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