He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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